Todays dinner: Köttbullar med potatis och Lingonsylt and for Cihan: Lax med potatis och senap sås. I love it! Thanks to IKEA, swedish food can be bought everywhere. And the result: I’m sitting at home now and drinking lingon juice. It was incredible at IKEA: Cihans pillow, Nils bowl, the pan, the glasses from Hulphers,… Additionally the names were remembering if Sweden: glasses with name GODIS MIX, the STOCKHOLM furnitures, KARLSTAD and much more. And as not to forget the food store, where we bought the Lingon Juice. Marabou Chocolate, Pepparkakor, Orange Jam,… Incredible. I felt like in Sweden! Just the heat when coming out was making me realize that I was definitely not in Sweden, I’m in Istanbul.
So to everybody who wanna get a taste of Sweden: Go to IKEA and remember good times!
All my bags are packed… Once again, this song is in my head. But this time, it’s not a big goodbye, I’m just moving to a place one hour from here, for the next days. But still „all my bags are packed I’m ready to go“
Few hours left, maybe 4-6hours and I’m free… If this is only good? I don’t know. Yes, the time in Stockholm as AuPair came to an end, which I’m happy and sad about it. For various reasons. But what is coming next? In the evening I’m going to Västerås, finally, to aşkım benim. I’m excited for that. But where am I gonna be in a week? In a month? I don’t know. I’m accepted by Linköping Universitet. But I’m still waiting for an answer from FU Berlin, European Master in Children’s Rights. My dream… Somehow… One of my dreams… And I applied various jobs, in Germany, and in Turkey. We’ll see… Right now I’m just happy that I can leave Stockholm and spend some time in Västerås. And one step comes after the other, I should stop being impatient, future is coming, for sure, and one step should be taken after the other and not a lot of steps at the same time.
And by the way: The deer I saw few days ago is still feeling itself quite comfortable in the garden and having a baby now… Very cute, the bambi! 🙂
Unfortunately, I have my camera in Västerås and not with me in Stockholm. This day two deer were standing in the garden. One was watching me while cleaning and eating grass. And the other one I just saw when I was about to change my trousers. It was watching my while writing application son my laptop and was eating some leaves from a tree… Incredible… And that happens in Swedens biggest city Stockholm!
It’s a tough time for me… Troubles at work, thesis to finish, unclearness about the future (which starts in mid of June in my case),… And then in the morning the positive song, my mother remembered me again: „I’m gonna make it“. An old song, very old. From a German „Liedermacher“. Here the video and the English Lyrics.
When Maike was just under one year
she could already stand
She practiced tireless
to walk along the wall.
Easily she made three steps
and nearly the fourth as well,
but she prefered to make
a landing on the belly.
And she turned around a laughed
And maybe thought for the first time:
„I’m gonna make it, I’m gonna make it,
I’m gonna make it all alone.
I’m sure I can, I’m sure I can
come on my feet again.
I need for that, I need for that
maybe a lot of energy.
But I already made
Something totally different yet.“
When Maike was at school,
she felt very well.
only when she was standing at the parallel bars,
she nearly lost courage,
especially when the class saw,
how she plagued hereelf.
She wanted to bunk,
and she was very close.
But she was standing there and thought:
„I have to go through this, it would be a joke“
Refrain
When Maike was 17years old, she was totally in love.
She thought that there are only
rosa clouds for her.
But then, from one day to the other
her dreamworld collapsed.
She was totally distroyed,
and she felt herself so small.
But she stood up and thought:
„I probably just really woke up now.“
Refrain
The time was passing fast,
Maike has a child herself now.
The flat is not that big,
in which the two live;
but still every corner has
his one style.
So cosy and friendly isn’t it
for all kids.
And in some night Maike thinks
On what she thought as child:
„na, na, na, na …
Because I already made something much more else!“
(I know, it’s a bad translation, the song is much more beautiful in German…)
But I know, I’m gonna make it, because there are other thing, much tougher I already managed…
There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings. (Hodding Carter, Jr.)
I got both, thanks so much! But now, somehow roots and wings are fighting. The wings wanna fly, the roots wanna stay. My body is about to be in two pieces. So many things/people supporting one of them… pulling… holding… pulling… holding… And I’m in between, trying to find the best, that both, roots and wings are happy. But there is nothing in between, which might make both happy. Half roots and half wings? In which state am I then? So I guess I’m about to go the step which might make me, personally happiest. The step of flying… Flying… to where? I don’t know… To whom? We’ll see… And hurting, those who want me to stay, who have to learn letting me go… Not easy, not for me, not for them… But both sides have to learn, to learn allowing people to leave and to learn hurting people.
But:
A child enters your home and for the next twenty years makes so much noise you can hardly stand it. The child departs, leaving the house so silent you think you are going mad. (John Andrew Holmes)
And to make it easier for those who are hurt:
You see much more of your children once they leave home. (Lucille Ball)
Just because I’m leaving does not mean I’m not loving… I’m loving those I’m leaving and I’m loving those who I’m going to. And just because I’m leaving does not mean that I stop loving, never… I love you! Forever!
For easter, in Sweden everything is decorated with this colourful feathers, sometimes in the colors of the shop standing infront of, sometimes all colours available…
The first coffee outside. In the beginning of April. Yes, we were wearing warm jackets and had blankets over, but still, it was coffee outside and the sun was shining:
Swedish food (source: http://mylifeinusa.blogg.se/images/2009/ikea-food-1_34859633.jpg)
Kelebek beni bekle 
